Well, I’m back from yet another hiatus. This time, I’ve been on plan and working hard, I just didn’t think there was anything to post. So, sorry.
This post isn’t going to revolve around my weight loss, yes it will play a role, but it won’t be the focus. I just know I’m not the only person in the world who is feeling the way I am right now.
I don’t do well with chaos. I feel helpless and vulnerable, and who really handles those emotions well? Lately, my life has just been chaos, and every time I think I have a grasp on the situation, it goes into another storm.
Yesterday, everything just piled up. I am literally sitting here, in awe about how I have NO control right now, wishing I had a grasp at something…but I don’t. (Imagine the opening scene of Gravity, and Sandra Bullock trying to grasp something in the chaos…that’s me.) I don’t know how to fix anything. I don’t know who to go to, to try and figure things out. Chaos. So, emotionally, I’m a wreck.
Enter: my dad. For those who don’t know my AMAZING dad, he is the most loyal person I know. Once he is loyal to you, he will care for you until the bitter end. He took care of my mom in the most loving, Christlike way possible, and that has transferred to me, and words cannot express just how grateful I am to him. He is just sweet, and strong. He is smart. Seriously, if you have a history or church question he can answer it, he reads probably 5 books at a time. He’s hilarious! To get to the point, one of his sweet hobbies is poetry. He writes poems, and loves to read them.
My dad and I email every day, and I just mentioned to him how I’m feeling. This is the short and sweet email he sent me:
THE BEND IN THE ROAD
by Helen Steiner Rice
When we feel we have nothing left to give
And we are sure that the song has ended,
When our day seems over and the shadows fall
And the darkness of night has descended,
Where can we go to find the strength
To valiantly keep on trying?
Where can we find the hand that will dry
The tears that the heart is crying?
There's only one place to go and that is to God,
And dropping all pretence and pride,
We can pour out our problems without restraint
And gain strength with Him at our side.
And together we stand at life's cross roads
And view what we think is the end,
But God has a much bigger vision,
And He tells us it's only a bend.
For the road goes on and is smoother,
And the pause in the song is a rest,
And the part that's unsung and unfinished
Is the sweetest and richest and best.
So rest and relax and grow stronger
Let go and let God share your load.
Your work is not finished or ended
You've just come to a bend in the road.
I have found the last four lines to this poem very beneficial in the past three years.
Dad for Mom too
This is just a bend in the road, and I need to just keep going…and of course, I will.
I can’t control others. I can’t control their situations. I can’t control how others view me. I can’t control how they react in a situation. I can’t control a lot of stuff…BUT, I can control me.
I am in charge of myself and my choices. I’ve chosen (not today, but a few weeks ago) that I just need to focus on me. Focus on my health, my spirituality, my education, and my happiness.
I’ve made a game plan to help become a better version of me, and so far it’s going pretty good.
In regards to my health goals: I’m going on week three of going to the gym at least three times a week, and I LOVE IT! Never thought I would be the person who wants to get work outs in. I’ve been good with my diet too, but I’m on a pretty big plateau…blah!! I’m going to stick to my food plan and the gym for three months…after all, I can do ANYTHING for three months. If I haven’t hit my goal by then, then we’ll reevaluate and get another game plan together, but here’s to hoping to be at my weight loss goal.
I hope I’m not the only person who sometimes need to just talk/write about what’s going on (as vaguely as possible) and feel like a weight has been lifted? I feel a little better. Obviously nothing has been resolved in my chaos, and I’m not sure when it will be. But it’s just a bend in the road, so I’m going to “rest and relax and grow stronger”.
Love you all!