Wednesday, November 25, 2015

If You Never Try Then You'll Never Know

"Change is:
Scary and hard at the start.
Messy in the middle.
AMAZING in the end!
Don't fear change, don't fear hard work, don't be scared to fail or fall and keep focusing on your goal and WHY you want this. If it's something you really want then you'll have to be prepared to give it your all, to pick yourself up when you fall and to let go of being perfect or doing things perfectly. Don't let anything or anyone stand in your way, if there is something you want then do anything to get there and work your butt off.
Change is only scary because it's something new and "unknown" which makes you feel uncomfortable. 
Stick at it and you will get there and you will be so glad you committed to it!
Don't fear the change, embrace it! 
Change can be an amazing thing, it brings you out of your comfort zone and gives you the chance to learn, adapt and evolve! 
Go for it with confidence!"
-Emily Skye

I saw the above quote today on Facebook from a fitness "guru" and it really sparked some thoughts about life and change, so I wanted to jot them down.
Sidenote: sorry about being MIA. I'm back on the bandwagon, back to where I was.  Things are going good with my weight loss.  :)
Sometimes when we are faced with change it’s the scariest thing to go through.  We don’t want to feel the potential pain of it, we’re happy with how things are.  But, when life gives you the opportunities to change, we shouldn’t squander them, we should take full advantage and put our all into it.  Those opportunities came up for a reason.  To make your life better, healthier, happier.
I’m so glad that I took advantage of the changes life has offered me.  If not, I wouldn’t have lost the weight I have.  I wouldn't be as happy as I am right now.  
So, I challenge each of you to not be scared.  If you have an opportunity for change facing you, to lose weight, to take a new job, to be happier, take it!  Make that change!  Don’t have any regrets!  I promise you that it’ll be worth the pain and fear that you’ll feel in the beginning.  When life puts something in front of you that makes you think, it’s for a reason.  
Don’t squander that opportunity... I wouldn’t be healthier and happier.   I wouldn’t be where I am today if I had.

Thursday, March 12, 2015

A bit about the bullies

If there is one post that I have been kind of putting off, it’s this one.  Not because I’m afraid of it or anything, but because words may be hard for me to find, and emotions may be hard to express.
I’ve stated before that I have always been the chubby girl.  I also, very briefly, mentioned that kids made fun of me and that was one of the reasons I continued to gain weight.
When I was in elementary school, at a very young age, I struggled with the concept that, although I was overweight, I was enough.  Kids will be kids, they love to point out differences, they’re curious, and although the majority of the time it isn't in malice, sometimes it is, and there was a group of kids that just tortured me. 
I have never understood the concept of bullying, and maybe that’s because I was the one being bullied, but I don’t understand intentional unkindness.  I don’t understand tearing people down to build yourself up.  So, in elementary, I didn't understand why people were being so mean when I did nothing to them.
I remember a time, I was in second or third grade, when I was just walking from lunch to recess, and one of my bullies was walking behind me making fun of all that I ate…which was what I was given for lunch from the school, so it didn't make sense.  He then went on to make fun of how my legs shook and that I was going to start and earth quake.  By this point I was in tears, but I kept walking.
Since I wasn't giving him any attention he just kept pushing and prodding me.  I was always taught to walk away, so that’s what I was doing, but it wasn't stopping and it was following me.  Eventually he started to call me “fat ass” and just would not stop laughing.  I’m sure he got bored, because I wasn't feeding his hate fire, and he just kicked me as hard as he could in my “fat ass” and running away said something about how I probably couldn't even feel that.
Well, he didn't get very far.  I may have been taught to talk away, but I was never taught to not fight for myself if things got physical.  Lucky for me my grandfather was a prized boxer, unlucky for him, my grandfather was a prized boxer. 
Yes, I did get sent to the principal’s office, and my mom was called in.  I didn't get in trouble, because he started it.  But as the principal, him, his mom, my mom and myself were in the office, his mom said to my mom, “I can’t believe that you would teach her that it’s okay to hit people smaller than her!”  Let it be known that, yes, I've been well over 5’5” since third grade, and yes I was chubby, but really…smaller than him?  Yes, yes he was, but maybe accountability should have been taken for his actions and not mine.  Anyway, for those of you who know my mom, that was the last straw, and…well, she destroyed my bullies mom.
This isn't the first incident, and it definitely wasn't the last.  To be honest, this happened more often than not, not me punching people in the face, but them following me and just torturing me with their words.
There was another time, probably sixth grade, we were learning how to measure things with a ruler.  People thought it was hilarious to measure how big my bum was.  I was sitting on the ground and they would sneakily come up behind me and go ahead and measure it.  I knew what was going on, but pretended that I was oblivious, it was just easier. 
It’s not right for a child in elementary school to struggle with their worth.  There were times when I wanted to cease to exist.  I promise I wasn't suicidal, but I thought it would just be easier for me, and even my parents. 
There wasn't one event that turned my mindset around.  I didn't have some profound talk with a loved one, and I didn't see a motivational picture.  But, one day I just realized that I was, in fact, worth it.  I do like to give credit to my parents, especially my mom, for consistently reminding me of my value and that I am loved no matter what.
I didn't stop gaining weight and I continued to be my usual adorable, quirky, sometimes off-the-beaten-path, self.  But, I realized that I was beautiful, I was fun, I was smart, and I was important.  J
So, fast forward to now.  I’m still struggling with my weight and I still have days where I struggle with my worth, I am, after all, human.  BUT, I know of my importance.  I truly know that I am not what I look like, but how I act and treat others.  My worth is not a number.  My value is not based on my size.  Rather both are based on my character.
Sure, there are some days that I need reminders.  One thing that I have done is written the words “You are more important than this number” on my scale…because I am.  I also, sometimes, and this is cheesy, pull a SNL Stuart Smalley (or the Help) and remind myself “I’m good enough.  I’m smart enough.  And doggone it, people like me!”  haha 

Don't mind the dirt and the smudges.  haha

When I have children, I hope that I can convey this message to them.  I pray that at a young age, they understand that they are loved beyond words, and that they are beautiful.
So, people can be mean.  It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to have a bad day.  But, in the end, you are more important than any number.  You are more important than a body type or size.  You are important, don’t let the world get you down.  

You have immeasurable worth, don’t you forget it, kid!  

Friday, February 20, 2015

85 days...I got this?

Okay, okay I know that this is getting old, me always saying “Today is the day” or “This is my last time starting again”.  Well, this isn’t another one of those.
Now that the holidays and vacations are over (well, for now, it’s the 3 month slump) I have time to just focus on me, and getting healthy and fit.  This blog has been a great motivator for me in the past, I’d figure why not use it again…and annoy you all with my posts BWAHAHA.
I have 85 days.  Until what you ask?  Well, in 85 days, I’ll be running (more like walking) the Ogden Half Marathon.  Yikes, right?  Yep.  Yikes.
Before I get into the details, just know that I don’t plan on running the full 13.1 miles.  (*GULP*  Thirteen point one miles!?  I can do this, right?  Yeah, yeah, I’m sure I can…)  The distance that I do run, I don’t have a time goal.  My only goal with this lovely half marathon is that I finish.  That’s right, I just want to get across the finish line.  I’m sure I won’t be the slowest, and I for sure as heck am not going to be the fastest, but I will be a finisher.
So, what’s the plan?
First, weight loss.  I have absolutely no intention of getting to my goal weight in these next three months, but I would like to be in One-derland. 
I’ve gained some weight since Europe.  I got a little complacent.  I enjoyed my holidays.  I went on a cruise!!  (Which was absolutely amazing and SO fun!  Loved every minute.  The ports were amazing and the company was even better!  J)  So, I have a bit of backtracking to do, but I can do it, I’ve done it before.

The cruise.  We went to the Eastern Caribbean.  Amazing!!  Really missing it right now.

I just decided today, within the last hour, that I will be going back to my old “diet”.  (It’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle change…it’s just easier to use the word diet, especially for these purposes.)  It worked SO well in the past, I’ve seen the results, so why not use it again? 
Second, exercise.  Like I said, I’m not planning on running 13 miles, so running isn’t going to be my focus.  Mostly movement is my focus. 
I am THE WORST at getting up early for the purpose of working out.  I like, no love, my sleep way too much.  So, unless there is a miracle, I won’t be doing morning workouts.  I also work full time, so when I get home, I really don’t want to work out, I want to sit on my butt.
Side note:  Any tips on doing morning workouts for people who just love their bed in the mornings?  It’s not that I’m not a morning person, I’m not a grump, I just really, really love my sleep.
So, what to do?  Well, I’m going to utilize my work building.  Every day, after work, I’m going to walk the stairs for a half hour.  It’ll help me get the muscles in my legs built up, plus help with the exercise.  Also, bonus, it’ll help log steps on my Fitbit.  Haha
I, also, would like to do a yoga class or two a week.  I think I’ll do one early class on the weekdays (I can do it once a week, just not every day) and one class Saturday morning.  I really like yoga and all the benefits from it, so it’s a win-win.
If other opportunities come up, I’ll take advantage of them, but this is what I have for now. 
Thanks for being patient with me, yet again.  Get back to me on your morning workout tips?

I’m excited for these next three months and to see what I accomplish.  It’s gonna be good.