Saturday, October 6, 2012


I'm going to make this short and sweet...I gained weight this week.  There are two factors: 1.  I started to exercise, and yes, I should lose weight with that, but 2. I ate food I shouldn't.  My family and I went and had Indian food to celebrate my cousin coming to visit, then it was my dad's birthday and I let him choose where to go for his dinner, and he chose pizza, then I REALLY wanted ice cream, so I had some.  Also, it's Conference Weekend, and it's hard to not snack...yep.
I'm not going to make excuses, it doesn't help to.  I'm just going to look forward and rededicate myself to the program.  I will not jump off the bandwagon for longer then a few days, it was hard jumping off for months, I'm not doing it again.  I want to get to my goal, and constantly jumping off gets me out of "fat burning" which takes me further away from what I want to accomplish.
So, friends, here's to a new week, with new choices.  Let's see what it holds.  Check ya next week.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

I Survived the Greek Frestival!

Last night was the Greek Festival.  AAaaaaaannnd, I ate lots of food.  My plan was just to go in, get my FAVORITE green beans, a salad and maybe a piece of pita.  Well, it's not that easy once you get there.  I ended up getting a Gyro, pilaf, meatballs, green beans AND loukoumates (BEST scones ever!!)  I felt terrible after, but then I had to remind myself that I'm living my life and I shouldn't feel bad for eating off plan once in a while.  I enjoyed myself, and that's the most important thing, right?
For those of you who haven't gone to the Greek Festival yet, GO!!!  Right now, just do it!  haha  It's a tradition with my friends and I, and I look forward to it every year.  It's almost the season opener of fall, for me.  Oh, I just love it. :)
So, I'm still loosing weight!!  I'm SOOO super close the the 50 lbs. mark!  (YEAH!  *happy dance*)  I'm thinking once I get to 50 lbs. down I'll get myself something at the spa, like a facial or a massage.  I've decided to do little rewards for myself, every 10 lbs down.  Why not!?  Yes, I have the reward of feeling better and looking better, but it's just one more thing to look forward to when it gets hard.  My final reward?  An Ipad! :)  I'm so excited!! 

Here's a picture from Monday.  Most of you have seen it, since I posted it on Facebook, but it just makes me happy.  The left side was in 2009 at EFY, not even my biggest weight, and the right was Monday.  I'm wearing the same shirt, and it's a TON looser, the picture doesn't do it justice. (also, thanks to my constant companion, my water bottle, I have a spot on my shirt and my jeans are sticking out because they're starting to get too big.)  I LOVE how different I look!  It just is so motivating.  

With that friends, have a good week(end)!  Make smart decisions, it's worth it!  Love to you all!

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Why? Confidence. And How I Gained Mine.

The title of this post may be a little deceiving, as I was writing I realized there were two things that I really wanted to talk about the "why?" and how important confidence is in any journey to overcome something.  So read on, you wonderful people! :)
A lot of people have asked me "Why do you want to loose the weight?"  In my head I feel like it's obvious, but apparently I have to explain myself sometimes.  Also, if you understand the "Why?" it's easier to do the "How?"
So there are the more obvious reasons why I want to loose the weight: I want to be healthy.  I'm sick of my weight holding me back.  I don't want people to look at me and only see my weight.  I'm sick of walking around and if I hear people laugh, automatically assume it's because I'm big.  Also, I want to look good!  (AKA stinkin' hot! haha)
Then there are the not so obvious: sometimes when you're overweight it's harder to have children.  I know I'm not anywhere near that stage, but I'd rather get healthy now and not have to worry about it when my husband (wherever he is!? :)) and I start a family.  Also, I want to be able to help other people, and I feel like I'd be the biggest hypocrite out there if I can't even help myself.
Do any of you know what it's like to be held back by something?  It's poopy!  I feel like my weight has held me back my whole life, and I haven't fully lived.  I want to be able to go on a hike with confidence.  I want to be able to spontaneously go sky diving (and you better believe I'm going as soon as I hit 200!!!!)  I want to be able to talk to guys and not be afraid that all they're going to remember about me is my fluffy side. :)
Now, I know that this post may make some people think that I am lacking confidence in myself and that I'll need a reminder of how awesome/amazing I am.  I PROMISE you, I don't. haha  I know that I have a lot of great qualities, I have good character and values thanks to my wonderful parents.  I have a sense of humor, I love to love people, I can see the good, I know who I am and I'm not afraid to be that person.
This journey isn't about finding the confidence.  I feel like to start something like this you already need that.  If  you don't, you won't be as successful as you had hoped you would be.
I'm so excited for that day when I can know that I accomplished my goal.  When I know that I was a success in this endeavor.  I'm excited to know that I will no longer have to say no to things because I'm scared my weight will hold me back.  This excitement is helping me get through.  When I think of the future and how bright it is for me (and can be for you too!!) I can't help but smile.  I'm excited to see what doors will open because of my choices.
For those of my friends that are struggling,with weight or other problems, and want to overcome whatever it is, I want to give a tip.  Work on finding you first, find (at least a little) confidence.  It's not easy.  Sometimes, especially in this world, it's easy to forget how amazing we are, what we have already accomplished, who we have already touched.  But if you work on that, the confidence to get through your struggles will come.
I hate to get preachy, but here we go, real quick, I promise! :)
I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  I know who I am, a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father.  I know that my life will be blessed if I make the right decisions.  My confidence comes from that knowledge and knowing that wherever I am, whatever I'm going through, my Savior, Jesus Christ will be right beside me and my Father in Heaven will ALWAYS listen to my prayers.
I am not saying these things for y'all to get baptized (although if your interested I know a couple people who would love to talk to you! haha) I just think it's important to believe in SOMETHING.  Realizing that there is something greater out there.  Realizing that people will be with you, is important.
If you want, below are three talks (one I've been reading over and over again since I first heard it in 2009 and the other my AMAZING roommate just showed me last week, and another one I'm not quite sure how I found it, but it's good!)  They have inspired me, have given me a boost of confidence and have given me more strength, to push through and be a success.
The first is by President Dieter F. Uchdorf called  "The Reflection in the Water"
The second, by Sister Louise Brown titled "Learning to Love Myself"
The third is by President James E. Faust titled "The Value of Self Esteem"
So, dear friends, good luck!  Know that I am always here for you, if you need a buddy or a confidence boost.  You are wonderful, and like I've said before, you have helped me already.
Good luck with your goals.  You can do it!  Just take it step-by-step and day-by-day.  (Oh dear, Full House flash backs! haha!)

Saturday, September 22, 2012

I Left My Heart in San Francisco

Okay, so I just wanted to do a quick post on my latest trip to San Francisco.  Not a review or anything, but just to show some of my progress.  I went to San Fran last year (2011) in March and this year (2012) in August.

2012 (I didn't get any "body" shots of me, and this isn't the best pic.)

And for the craziest (I think) of all!!  Look at my face!!!!  Gah! :) :) :)


Yep, that's a Ghirardelli sundae!  See why it was hard for me to stay on program during the summer? :)

 YAY!  I love being able to see my progress.  It makes it a lot easier to make the changes in my life.  Also, getting on the scale every week and seeing that I'm loosing doesn't hurt either.

The Ups and Downs of Summer OR Day 1...Again.

Remember that one time I started a blog?  I posted pretty good for about 2 weeks, then I went MIA?  Yeah, sorry about that.  The thing with starting a blog about one's weight loss is that you don't really want to talk about things when they go bad...or when you have cake and chocolate, and let's just say, not preform the way you should, and consequently you don't want to post it for the world to know.  Ooopsie!
BUT, I'm back on track now!  I've learned that summer is a hard time for me to diet.  It's not that I overeat or anything, I actually didn't gain any weight this summer (okay, I gained a pound), but I don't take the necessary steps to helping my body lose the fat.  Well, welcome back to school! :)  I'm now back on to my busy schedule (full time work + 5 classes= packed/crazy/stressful schedule for EmJay), so that means less time to just hang out and eat what ever I want.
I restarted the program about a week and a half, and I'm proud to say that I'm doing good again.  I haven't fallen off the wagon.  I'm eating my MediFast meals and I'm getting my "Lean and Green" in.  Yes, once in a while I have a LITTLE thing here or there that aren't on the program, but I'm watching what I eat and am asking myself "Is it really worth it?"  The hardest thing is saying Auf Wiedersehen to sugar...and I decided to go on another soda (mostly caffeine) fast, except when I go to movies, so HELLO migraines!
One thing that really helped me the first time around is to constantly remind myself that "I can do ANYTHING for 3 months!"  And I'm going to apply that mindset this time around.  So, come Christmas, my goal is to be down to 200 lbs.  I can do it! I can do hard things!  I can not have Halloween candy!  I can eat smart on Thanksgiving!  I can not overendulge during the Greek Festival!  Oh how I love fall!...but I want to be healthy (and stinkin' hot! haha) more.
I think that setting weekly goals will help me this time around to stay more motivated.  That makes it easier to reach my weekly check-ins with my health coach with success rather than failures.
This weeks goals:
-No Soda
-No Sugar
-Exercise at least 2 days (and no, walking around Weber State to classes does not count. haha)
-Update the blog at least once.
That's it.  I don't need to have a huge list that is too scary to accomplish.  I think this will be good for me, having 2 check in days, Wednesdays will be with my health coach, and Saturdays will be with you, my loved ones.
On that subject.  Thank you so much!  I've had TONS of positive feedback about this blog and my journey.  One reason why I started it is because it really is easier to loose weight if you're not hiding it from the world, it kind of makes you more accountable.  So, thank you for being so awesome, thank you for noticing my progress, thank you for just being a positive influence in my life.
I hope I can make y'all proud.  AND I hope I can keep up with blogging.  :)
With that friends, have a wonderful weekend.  Stay happy, and be healthy.
Peace and blessings.  Peace and blessings.  Haha

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Buh-Bye BL!

One thing that I have completely forgot to talk about, but I'm sure was just assumed, is my goal of being on The Biggest Loser.
Like I said before, I have applied for the show, I think, six times, although it may be five.  This last Saturday they held an open casting call in Salt Lake City and I was invited to it well over a month and a half ago.  I decided that I would go to the casting call but I wouldn't make a new video for this season and I would just see where the lots fell.
For those of you who are unaware of what happens at a casting call let me explain.  There are hundreds of hopefuls in line. When I left they had already seen about 500 people and they had about five hours left of casting. They have two lines, the "Front of the Line" pass holders and the people who didn't receive a pass.  Just because you have a pass, doesn't mean that you have a better chance of getting further in the process.  (Note:  I got a front of the line pass from the show and a "personal" invitation from the show.  I was reading a FAQ from the casting directors about casting and they said the show never gives out the passes.  Well, I got one from them, so I felt a little special! haha)  You have to fill out an application and attach a photo of yourself.  You wait in line FOREVER.  Then you go into a room, and wait some more and then you go to another room to wait a little longer.  A fun thing is that sometimes contestants from seasons past come and visit and talk to you while you're waiting.

Here is Sione Fa from Season 7.  Super nice!  We talked about his neon orange shoes and his fear of eating out when he got off of the show. 

 Moses Kinikini and I.  Little known fact:  Moses, his daughter Kaylee and I all started our casting with The Biggest Loser together.  The first time we were in line together for 8 hours and the second time (when they got cast on the show!) we were at the same casting table.  Love Moses!  We talked two times for about 15-20 minutes each time.  Such a great man, and inspiration to many.

Eventually, you're then put in groups of ten and taken to a casting director.  You are then given seven minutes, as a group, to talk to the directors.  Yep, seven minutes, ten people.  IMPOSSIBLE to get your personality and goals across.
I knew I didn't have that great of a shot going into it.  I had to find recent photos of myself, and I kept looking at my cruise pictures and thinking "I am not Biggest Loser size anymore".  And the fact of the matter is, I'm not.  I had the chance to talk to some of the people who work for the show and they basically told me the same thing.
After seeing all of the people in line I made a decision: my goal of being on The Biggest Loser is over.  I can't try and be on a show, where I have already started my progress, and take it away from people who truly do need it.
The past few days have been a little hard because of that decision.  Have you even given up on a goal? It's rough. I feel, a little bit, like a failure.  BUT then I remind myself, I'm in this position because I've already gained SO much!  I'm already on my way to my goal.  I already am getting the knowledge of how to become a healthy me.  I'm on my way!
So buh-bye Biggest Loser.  I'll never be on your ranch, I'll never wear spandex on national TV (yay!!!), I may never meet Bob, but I will be a loser someday! :)

Diet? Exercise? Or both?

Now that I've come out in the open about my weight loss and involved the world, the number one question is "What are you doing?"  Diet? Exercise? Both?
To be honest...JUST diet.  Yep, no exercise has been involved.  I know at some point I'm going to have to hit the gym for toning and losing that extra stubborn fat, but as of right now I am only dieting.
But here's the thing, it's not a "diet", I mean, yes it is, I have to say no to things and all that jazz, it's a lifestyle change.  Over the past few months I have learned what really I should, or shouldn't be eating.
Yes, Take Shape For Life is a program.  I do buy food every month, but it's teaching me habits.  Habits that once I'm off the program's food, will stay with me and help me keep the weight off.
My routine:
I work everyday at 8:30 (or when school is going, I have class at 8:30).  On my way there I eat a bar (program food) and drink a whole bottle of water.  If I have enough time before I have to leave I'll make my self oatmeal or eggs, which are both program food.  I'm supposed to eat every two to three hours, so if I'm still at school I'll eat another bar or I'll make a pudding or shake (if you guessed that these were program food, you were right!) if I'm at work.  2-3 hours later I make soup (program food), and 2-3 hours after that I'll have something else (honestly there are tons of options with TSFL!)
When I get home I make my "Lean and Green" meal.  It usually consists of a turkey burger, some ketchup and some variety of greens.  I will have some tuna every once in a while.  One of the cool things about this program is that I don't have to worry about not eating before I go to bed, so I can have my last tsfl meal before I go to sleep, it's usually a brownie or a cookie (yep, you sweet toothers out there, you heard me correctly!)  An important thing to remember to have all the time is water!  I drink at least 4 or 5 bottles of water a day...which is hard, because I LOVE my diet soda, but it's proven to be such a benefit to my weight loss.
I also have snacks that I can have a few times a day, and that can be something like a sugar free popsicle or a snack food I bought through TSFL.
Obviously, there are times when I am faced with going out to lunch or going out for dinner.  It's nice when I'm able to plan in advance, but sometimes I can't.  I don't panic when I enter a restaurant, because there is always the salad option.  Here's an eating out TIP that I learned my very first week on the program that Nick taught me: order your salad, make sure that you order it the way that YOU want that is kosher with your diet, have the dressing on the side and also ask for a to go box with it.  Once you get your salad, immediately put half of it in the box.  The salads at restaurants (any of you Biggest Loser fans will know this) have way too many calories, sometimes more then what your friends have ordered.  Just eat smart, in the end, we all know what is good for us.
And there you have it folks, my routine.  Not too hard.  Yes I do miss the occasional cheeseburger, or taco, but I've learned to be okay with it, I'm seeing the results I want, and once I reach my goal, I'll let myself have a cheeseburger here and there.

There are some important things that I have learned about how to eat and what to cut out or add, but I'll do a separate post for that.

Also, for those of you who think you may be interested in this program I am always more then willing to talk to you also you can go to Nick's website: or the TSFL website:  No, I am not trying to sell you on this program!  Just letting you know what I've been doing.  No pressure to do anything.  And I promise, my blog won't become one big advertisement for TSFL because that could just be annoying. haha :)

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Now to get fully up to date...

So.  In February I decided I was done with having my weight weigh me down.  It just got to be too much of a burden, and it became this constant thing that I always thought about.  I started to become conscious of what I was eating and I cut back on my sugar intake and I lost 15 lbs easy.  (282 lbs to 267 lbs...still gross, but getting better!) I began to research the "how to's" of losing weight, I even reached out to my Facebook friends.   Enter Nick Coombs.
Nick is a friend of mine from institute choir.  When I thought of him, I never saw him as overweight, just large in stature.  But recently he had lost a TON of weight.  I had a friend remind me of this and that I should contact him as to what he's been doing.

Doesn't he look crazy good!?

Nick and I talked about the program he did (and is still doing) and how he is actually a health coach.  I became more and more interested in it, so I signed up.  
I'm not the best at actually talking about what the program is and giving tons of information, so I'll just copy a bit off the "Take Shape For Life" of TSFL's website:
"Good things come in threes, and TSFL is no exception. Your freepersonal Health Coach (a professional weight-loss Coach), the Medifast 5 & 1 Plan (for healthy weight loss), and the Habits of Health System (for a lifetime of good health) are three of the best gifts you can give yourself. Together, they lead to the healthy weight control that helps you Take Shape For Life."
It took me a few weeks to actually start, I went out of town for business, I was scared to change, you know the drill.  But I eventually started the beginning of March, and I'm so glad I did.  In two months I lost 27 lbs!  For those of you doing the math that's 42 lbs in 3 months!!  
I honestly can't see too much of a change when I look at the mirror, people keep saying that I look good, but I'm not too aware of my change...but I see myself everyday, so who can blame me.  

Here are some before pictures taken by my good friend Shantel!  (Love them!  SOOO excited to take some more pictures in October, a year from when these were taken!)

282 lbs:

I don't really have too many pictures of me now, but here are a few:

 haha!  Such an attractive picture of me!  Nope!

 Not TOO much of a change, but still, a change.  I think you can really see it in my face, though, so that's cool! :)
 I've been off the bandwagon since May.  I went on a cruise, I moved out, summer happened, but I'm restarting TODAY!!  Yep, July 17, 2012 I am restarting my program! :) 
So there you have it.  You're now up to date as to where I am, and now we can continue down this road together.  I don't know how often I'll post, or what exactly I'm going to post about.  But I do know that this is going to be a great time!  I'm so excited to get healthy and make a positive change in my life!
Thank you all so much for your outreach and kind words thus really is so motivating for me.  I know you are all cheering for me so I'm doing this for you too, to prove to you that no matter where you are in your life, you can have control of you and your happiness and your goals!!

Monday, July 16, 2012

The Biggest Loser and Me

Yes, friends, I applied for The Biggest Loser.....5 times! haha

It's always been a goal of mine to help people, any way that I can.  I started to realize that I couldn't really do that in the state that I was in.  I needed to get healthy, I needed to take care of me first, before I could do anything else.  So, applying for the show was an obvious decision.
I never wanted to really be on The Biggest Loser.  What I mean is, is that I wanted to lose weight, not be famous or wear spandex in front of the whole country.  I did think it was cool that I could lose weight and people could watch my progress and grow with me.  If I had the money, I would have gladly gone to one of the Biggest Loser resorts out there, but I didn't have the means to do it.  Also, I didn't want my personlity and story to go to waste. haha
My first few times applying, I didn't really put anything into my application or video.  I knew I wasn't going to go far, but it was worth a shot.  Last year, I got serious.  I asked my friend, Adrie, who has her own wedding video company, if she would make a video for me.  A month and probably a million hours later, we had a winning video.  For the first time, I actually thought I was going to be on the show.
The hardest part was that I actually involved A LOT of people in the process.  We had people tell the casting directors why they thought I should be on the The Biggest Loser.  I felt like I had to get on the show, or I'd let people down.
Believe it or not, I actually got a call.  They told me that I was moving forward in the casting process and they really liked me.  I got pretty far in the whole process, up to the point where if I made it one more step I would have been in California.  (I should add here that when I got my call back I got the mentality that I was going to be on the show, so I ate WHATEVER I wanted! haha...and I gained about 10 lbs. Putting me at a whopping 282 lbs!  SO gross!!!) I was a little sad when I didn't get picked to be a contestant, but life goes on, and I tried again, with the same video as the last time, but with not as much enthusiasm.
Aaaand I got a call back.  They told me that if I applied with my dad, I basically would be on the show.  Unfortunately, my dad isn't as enthusiastic about losing weight as I have become.  So that was a no go.
With this up and down roller coaster of casting and maybes I came to one conclusion:  A person can not rely on a reality tv show to change their life.  They must do it on their own.
So in February of this year (2012) I took charge of my life.

First Off...Introductions

I've struggled with the thought of starting a blog.  Who am I to think that I'm important enough to have one?  No one will read it.  Then I thought to myself, "Maybe one person will, and maybe that person needs some help on their journey."
Also, the thought of starting a blog about my weight loss journey terrifies me!  I don't want to put my weight up for the world to know...but if that number keeps falling, who cares, right? :)

To begin.

I have, pretty much, always been the chubby girl.  I gained weight when I was about 7 or 8, and it just kept piling on.
One of the first steps to losing weight is: understanding WHY you gained it in the first place.  So, why did I gain my weight?  Simple, I'm an emotional eater.  My life has been amazing!  But has it been full of sunshine and daisies, unicorns and rainbows?  No.  Life's been hard.  If things get hard or stressful or sad, I eat.
When I was 8 my mom got REALLY sick.  She was diagnosed with kidney failure.  She had to do dialysis and eventually she got a transplant, but despite the doctors best efforts, she almost died.  So, I ate.  And ate.  And ate some more.  I started gaining weight, and kids started to make fun of me, naturally, I ate more.
Before I knew it, I was in junior high and well over 200 lbs.  Some days my weight controlled me and some days it didn't .  I learned who I was, and that definition did not include what I weighed.  I learned to love me for my personality (and my cute teddy bear body and my awesome hair haha!).  I learned that the true road to happiness was making people happy, and being there for them when they were having a hard time.  By the time I was a senior in high school, I forgot how "fat" I was.  (P.S. I HATE the word fat!  I'm sure I'll get into that sometime.)  I was active in activities in school, and had a ton of friends, and I was truly happy!
After I graduated it was the same story.  My personality was always what people noticed, and I loved that.  Sure, they saw my "fluff" but that didn't matter to them, and it for sure didn't matter to me.
When I was 21 my mom was diagnosed, again, with kidney failure.  I was terrified, so I ate.  When I was 22, she was diagnosed with cancer.  You guessed it, I ate.  By the time she passed away, I was 24 and about 270 lbs.  (Yikes!!)
My mom's death spurred something in me though.  I began to think of what would happen if I became sick and had to depend on people taking care of me.  I thought of life's experiences that I was missing out on.  Ultimately, I would end up focused on my weight, and how it was holding me back in actually LIVING.  So, I made up my mind to become a Loser.

But more on that later, friends.