Wednesday, November 25, 2015

If You Never Try Then You'll Never Know

"Change is:
Scary and hard at the start.
Messy in the middle.
AMAZING in the end!
Don't fear change, don't fear hard work, don't be scared to fail or fall and keep focusing on your goal and WHY you want this. If it's something you really want then you'll have to be prepared to give it your all, to pick yourself up when you fall and to let go of being perfect or doing things perfectly. Don't let anything or anyone stand in your way, if there is something you want then do anything to get there and work your butt off.
Change is only scary because it's something new and "unknown" which makes you feel uncomfortable. 
Stick at it and you will get there and you will be so glad you committed to it!
Don't fear the change, embrace it! 
Change can be an amazing thing, it brings you out of your comfort zone and gives you the chance to learn, adapt and evolve! 
Go for it with confidence!"
-Emily Skye

I saw the above quote today on Facebook from a fitness "guru" and it really sparked some thoughts about life and change, so I wanted to jot them down.
Sidenote: sorry about being MIA. I'm back on the bandwagon, back to where I was.  Things are going good with my weight loss.  :)
Sometimes when we are faced with change it’s the scariest thing to go through.  We don’t want to feel the potential pain of it, we’re happy with how things are.  But, when life gives you the opportunities to change, we shouldn’t squander them, we should take full advantage and put our all into it.  Those opportunities came up for a reason.  To make your life better, healthier, happier.
I’m so glad that I took advantage of the changes life has offered me.  If not, I wouldn’t have lost the weight I have.  I wouldn't be as happy as I am right now.  
So, I challenge each of you to not be scared.  If you have an opportunity for change facing you, to lose weight, to take a new job, to be happier, take it!  Make that change!  Don’t have any regrets!  I promise you that it’ll be worth the pain and fear that you’ll feel in the beginning.  When life puts something in front of you that makes you think, it’s for a reason.  
Don’t squander that opportunity... I wouldn’t be healthier and happier.   I wouldn’t be where I am today if I had.

Thursday, March 12, 2015

A bit about the bullies

If there is one post that I have been kind of putting off, it’s this one.  Not because I’m afraid of it or anything, but because words may be hard for me to find, and emotions may be hard to express.
I’ve stated before that I have always been the chubby girl.  I also, very briefly, mentioned that kids made fun of me and that was one of the reasons I continued to gain weight.
When I was in elementary school, at a very young age, I struggled with the concept that, although I was overweight, I was enough.  Kids will be kids, they love to point out differences, they’re curious, and although the majority of the time it isn't in malice, sometimes it is, and there was a group of kids that just tortured me. 
I have never understood the concept of bullying, and maybe that’s because I was the one being bullied, but I don’t understand intentional unkindness.  I don’t understand tearing people down to build yourself up.  So, in elementary, I didn't understand why people were being so mean when I did nothing to them.
I remember a time, I was in second or third grade, when I was just walking from lunch to recess, and one of my bullies was walking behind me making fun of all that I ate…which was what I was given for lunch from the school, so it didn't make sense.  He then went on to make fun of how my legs shook and that I was going to start and earth quake.  By this point I was in tears, but I kept walking.
Since I wasn't giving him any attention he just kept pushing and prodding me.  I was always taught to walk away, so that’s what I was doing, but it wasn't stopping and it was following me.  Eventually he started to call me “fat ass” and just would not stop laughing.  I’m sure he got bored, because I wasn't feeding his hate fire, and he just kicked me as hard as he could in my “fat ass” and running away said something about how I probably couldn't even feel that.
Well, he didn't get very far.  I may have been taught to talk away, but I was never taught to not fight for myself if things got physical.  Lucky for me my grandfather was a prized boxer, unlucky for him, my grandfather was a prized boxer. 
Yes, I did get sent to the principal’s office, and my mom was called in.  I didn't get in trouble, because he started it.  But as the principal, him, his mom, my mom and myself were in the office, his mom said to my mom, “I can’t believe that you would teach her that it’s okay to hit people smaller than her!”  Let it be known that, yes, I've been well over 5’5” since third grade, and yes I was chubby, but really…smaller than him?  Yes, yes he was, but maybe accountability should have been taken for his actions and not mine.  Anyway, for those of you who know my mom, that was the last straw, and…well, she destroyed my bullies mom.
This isn't the first incident, and it definitely wasn't the last.  To be honest, this happened more often than not, not me punching people in the face, but them following me and just torturing me with their words.
There was another time, probably sixth grade, we were learning how to measure things with a ruler.  People thought it was hilarious to measure how big my bum was.  I was sitting on the ground and they would sneakily come up behind me and go ahead and measure it.  I knew what was going on, but pretended that I was oblivious, it was just easier. 
It’s not right for a child in elementary school to struggle with their worth.  There were times when I wanted to cease to exist.  I promise I wasn't suicidal, but I thought it would just be easier for me, and even my parents. 
There wasn't one event that turned my mindset around.  I didn't have some profound talk with a loved one, and I didn't see a motivational picture.  But, one day I just realized that I was, in fact, worth it.  I do like to give credit to my parents, especially my mom, for consistently reminding me of my value and that I am loved no matter what.
I didn't stop gaining weight and I continued to be my usual adorable, quirky, sometimes off-the-beaten-path, self.  But, I realized that I was beautiful, I was fun, I was smart, and I was important.  J
So, fast forward to now.  I’m still struggling with my weight and I still have days where I struggle with my worth, I am, after all, human.  BUT, I know of my importance.  I truly know that I am not what I look like, but how I act and treat others.  My worth is not a number.  My value is not based on my size.  Rather both are based on my character.
Sure, there are some days that I need reminders.  One thing that I have done is written the words “You are more important than this number” on my scale…because I am.  I also, sometimes, and this is cheesy, pull a SNL Stuart Smalley (or the Help) and remind myself “I’m good enough.  I’m smart enough.  And doggone it, people like me!”  haha 

Don't mind the dirt and the smudges.  haha

When I have children, I hope that I can convey this message to them.  I pray that at a young age, they understand that they are loved beyond words, and that they are beautiful.
So, people can be mean.  It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to have a bad day.  But, in the end, you are more important than any number.  You are more important than a body type or size.  You are important, don’t let the world get you down.  

You have immeasurable worth, don’t you forget it, kid!  

Friday, February 20, 2015

85 days...I got this?

Okay, okay I know that this is getting old, me always saying “Today is the day” or “This is my last time starting again”.  Well, this isn’t another one of those.
Now that the holidays and vacations are over (well, for now, it’s the 3 month slump) I have time to just focus on me, and getting healthy and fit.  This blog has been a great motivator for me in the past, I’d figure why not use it again…and annoy you all with my posts BWAHAHA.
I have 85 days.  Until what you ask?  Well, in 85 days, I’ll be running (more like walking) the Ogden Half Marathon.  Yikes, right?  Yep.  Yikes.
Before I get into the details, just know that I don’t plan on running the full 13.1 miles.  (*GULP*  Thirteen point one miles!?  I can do this, right?  Yeah, yeah, I’m sure I can…)  The distance that I do run, I don’t have a time goal.  My only goal with this lovely half marathon is that I finish.  That’s right, I just want to get across the finish line.  I’m sure I won’t be the slowest, and I for sure as heck am not going to be the fastest, but I will be a finisher.
So, what’s the plan?
First, weight loss.  I have absolutely no intention of getting to my goal weight in these next three months, but I would like to be in One-derland. 
I’ve gained some weight since Europe.  I got a little complacent.  I enjoyed my holidays.  I went on a cruise!!  (Which was absolutely amazing and SO fun!  Loved every minute.  The ports were amazing and the company was even better!  J)  So, I have a bit of backtracking to do, but I can do it, I’ve done it before.

The cruise.  We went to the Eastern Caribbean.  Amazing!!  Really missing it right now.

I just decided today, within the last hour, that I will be going back to my old “diet”.  (It’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle change…it’s just easier to use the word diet, especially for these purposes.)  It worked SO well in the past, I’ve seen the results, so why not use it again? 
Second, exercise.  Like I said, I’m not planning on running 13 miles, so running isn’t going to be my focus.  Mostly movement is my focus. 
I am THE WORST at getting up early for the purpose of working out.  I like, no love, my sleep way too much.  So, unless there is a miracle, I won’t be doing morning workouts.  I also work full time, so when I get home, I really don’t want to work out, I want to sit on my butt.
Side note:  Any tips on doing morning workouts for people who just love their bed in the mornings?  It’s not that I’m not a morning person, I’m not a grump, I just really, really love my sleep.
So, what to do?  Well, I’m going to utilize my work building.  Every day, after work, I’m going to walk the stairs for a half hour.  It’ll help me get the muscles in my legs built up, plus help with the exercise.  Also, bonus, it’ll help log steps on my Fitbit.  Haha
I, also, would like to do a yoga class or two a week.  I think I’ll do one early class on the weekdays (I can do it once a week, just not every day) and one class Saturday morning.  I really like yoga and all the benefits from it, so it’s a win-win.
If other opportunities come up, I’ll take advantage of them, but this is what I have for now. 
Thanks for being patient with me, yet again.  Get back to me on your morning workout tips?

I’m excited for these next three months and to see what I accomplish.  It’s gonna be good.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

I need to quit emotional eating...HELP! :)

I need advice.  Tips and tricks, if you will.
As I've mentioned before, I’m an emotional eater, it’s one of the main reasons why I gained weight in the first place.
The past few weeks have been a little hard, and I've turned to food.  I've only gained about 9 pounds, and am already on the track to losing them again.
I’m just not through the rough patch, and I really want to turn to cheese fries and ice cream…but I can’t.  If I gain weight, that’ll make me unhappy, which will make me want to eat, which will make me gain…unhappy…eat…you get it.
So, what are your tips and tricks?  What do you do when you just want to turn to junk food?  How do you deal with those hard, emotional times?
I know this post will not only help me, but it will help others too, so comment on here, message or comment on Facebook, email or text me, and I’ll get them all compiled so we can help each other out.

Thanks, dearies.

Friday, August 8, 2014

Good old Weber, 10 years passed

Last week was my 10 year reunion.  Yep.  10 years.

It’s taken me a week to get to grips with that.  I don’t feel like it’s been 10 years, but time flies.

I was really scared to go, like, I was crying on the way there because of a panic attack, but I had to.  Why was I panicking, you ask?
1.       I’ve had amnesia since graduating.  It wasn’t bad, but my memories are really foggy.  I can remember people and names, but I can’t remember my connections with them.  I can’t remember events.  It’s just hard.  I feel bad about it. 
2.       I don’t really like attention.  It’s hard for me to take compliments, and talk about myself, especially in those situations (we’ll get to that with #3).  So, with the weight loss, people compliment me and I’m basically like “Thank you…now let’s move onto you…or another topic…baseball…Taco Bell…Starlord…anything.”  Also, there is more to my story than my weight loss…but I don’t like talking about me, so move on.  Haha
3.       In regards to life accomplishments, I don’t really have anything to report.  I mean, my life has been great, but I feel like the 10 year is mostly to show off spouses and children...neither of which I have.  Not complaining, just the facts.

Despite the fact that this last weekend was hard, I was able to reflect on the things that I accomplished and got to do in the last 10 years…and my life is good, real good.

-        Traveled…a lot!
o   Greece (2009), Italy (2004, 2009, 2014), Germany (2004 and 2009), Austria (2004 and 2009), Switzerland (2004 and 2009), France (2004, 2009, 2014) and England (2004 and 2009)
o   New York in 2011
o   Ensenada, Mexico cruise in 2012
o   Hawaii in 2013
o   San Francisco in 2011 and 2012
o   Countless camping trips
o   A million trips to Disneyland
-          Worked as a counselor and building counselor at EFY.
o   I may not have had the opportunity to serve a mission.  But I firmly believe that my mission was to serve at home, for the youth at EFY and for my family.
-          Participated with the Ogden Institute Choralaires.
o   I made countless friends and made bonds that I will never fully forget.  I am so grateful for the opportunity to have been in this choir because being a member of it helped me through some of the hardest times in my life.
-          Had amnesia.
o   I don’t remember it happening.  It messed up my brain, that is all.  Haha
-          Worked at a day care, as a baker, as an ice cream dipper and an elections specialist/deputy clerk.
-          Had heartbreak.  A lot.  It was worth it though.
-          Went through the Ogden Temple December 4, 2009 to receive my endowment.
-          Took care of my mom while she struggled with cancer and kidney failure. 
o   This was by far the hardest time of my life.  It lasted years, and the affects of her passing lasted even longer.  There are days were I miss her terribly and am so envious of people who are able to just talk to their moms, but luckily I have been blessed with good friends and mom figures.
-          Took care of my dad.
o   Watching my dad struggle with losing the love of his life was gut wrenching.  For about a year after my mom passed away I never showed or expressed my struggle because he was the one that was mourning and I had to be strong for him.
-          Lost 80+ pounds.  But you all know that.  J

It’s true 10 years have flown, and I’m a completely different person than I was in high school.  I’ve grown and have been molded and scarred.  I honestly wouldn’t change a minute of it.

I decided, before the reunion, I would go to my dad’s house and bust out some of my old high school garb.  I thought it would fit okay, since I really thought the majority of my weight was gained after high school…I was wrong.  My once tight choir dress was now a tent, and my sweater, which was tight around the belly could now be practically folded in half.  Don’t you worry your little hearts, I took photos…I knew you were all just SO worried about it.  haha! :P

I was SO baby faced.  haha

I'm really excited to see what the next 10 years will bring me.  Fingers crossed for some easier times, memory retention, and maybe something to report at the next reunion.  haha

Thursday, May 29, 2014

My (short) list of the worst things about losing 70 pounds

I recently read an article about the worst things aboutlosing 70 pounds, and I wanted to write my own.  You’d think that losing 70 pounds would be all hunky dory, but there are some downsides:
  1. Compliments are hard.  My self esteem is changing, yes, but it’s not changing as fast as my body is.  I still see myself as the fat girl, so sometimes when people compliment me, I literally do not know what to do, and I get awkward, really awkward.  Haha I’m just embarrassing. 
    • I had to add an additional one that is related.  Attention from men, another thing I’m super awkward with.  I mean, I’ve always been the girl that guys just jokingly flirt with, and I’d “jokingly” flirt back…but now it’s real.  I mean, I can handle my own…but in the end, I’m pretty sure I’m just awkward.  haha
  2. I don’t trust my body.  Other people do, but I don’t.  Yeah, I’ve lost 70 pounds, and yeah I’m working on getting fit, but really, can my body handle huge hikes, and jumping out of planes, and going wakeboarding?  Probably.  But, I have to psych myself up to do it.
  3. The scale is no longer something that sits in my bathroom and collects dust.  It glares at me, daring me to just try it out, and see how I’m doing.  Even during “breaks” it’s always there. 
  4. Clothes are SUPER expensive.  I’m sorry, but I’m not going to buy a million new pairs of jeans every time I drop a pant size.  I’m not going to buy a whole new wardrobe for every 10 pounds lost.  I have tried to keep up so that I don’t look like frump girl…but it’s just expensive.  So, I wear clothes that I wore when I was close to 300 pounds…and they are now tunics, but it works.  Haha

    "I was frump girl...up"  haha  Name that movie.  :)
    Proving that tunics are still in...because they have to be.  I posted a picture like this in 2012.  The right is me today, top is summer 2009, bottom September (I think) 2012.  All the same shirt, because I have to.  haha  :)
In the end, the great things, obviously, outweigh the “worst” things, but the “worst” things are things that you don’t really think about.  I’m sure everyone’s list is a little different. 

Sometime soon, I’ll have a post about the weirdest things about losing 70 pounds.  This is something I’ve been working on since I first started losing weight, and trust me, it’s a lot more interesting of a list than the “worst”.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

To my friend(s)

One thing that happens when you start losing weight, and people notice, is that you kind of become this type of lighthouse.  People are always coming to me for suggestions and tips, for some motivation and encouragement, for some light along the path.  I realize that I have worked hard and been blessed, so I love to try and help in any way possible…but I feel nowhere near “inspiring” enough to actually help out.

My only wish is that I could do more.  I wish I could just snap my fingers and all my friends wanting weight loss success would have the drive to do it and actually achieve their goals.  Until I find those mutant powers inside of me (please, oh, please!?) I have my blog...and my email...and my phone to help out.

I just had another friend tell me that they want to start their own journey.  And so, I dedicate this post to them.

To this friend,

You are about to embark on an awesome journey!  But it’ll only be awesome if you make it so.  Your steps are up to you, your timeline is up to you, your success is up to you.  I’m not going to lie, it will be hard, you will be fighting against your natural instincts and sometimes those instincts will win.  Don’t get discouraged, it’s not worth it.  Just keep swimming.

Before you start, sit down and have a good conversation with yourself.  Why do you want to do this?  If your main motivation is “to look hot”…sorry, but you’re not going to go very far.  I’ve found that when I want to look hot, and when I hear it from others, the results don’t come fast enough, and the journey ends.  I mean it, really give it some thought.  It took me 26 years to really figure it out.  I have a long list, but my main motivation is my future family.  I want to do it for them.  So, why do you want to lose the weight and get fit?  Think about it.  Write it down.  Heck, start a blog…not really…that’s a lot of pressure.  ;)

Next, figure out the how.  How do you want to lose the weight?  A lot of people assume that I lost all of my nearly 70 pounds with diet and exercise, not true, I’ve basically only dieted.  True, I keep trying to throw in exercise…but it’s just SO hard.  Haha  After 68 pounds down, I’m just now starting to really train for a 5k, and I sometimes do pilates and yoga.  My suggestion?  Don’t start a diet and exercise regime at the same time.  Start the healthy eating, then when you, and your body, are used to it throw in some exercise.   

Also, give some thought about how you want to do your healthy eating.  Do your research.  For me, I found a program that worked great for my lifestyle.  Medifast was wonderful, but it’s not for everyone.  I wish I could still do it, but it just got too expensive.  I’m grateful for it though, because of it, I know what healthy eating is, and I’m able to continue my weight loss because of the habits I learned.

Now, I have a shake for breakfast, a light lunch and lean meats and veggies for dinner, with a few small, healthy snacks.  I’ve cut out sugar, most dairy, carbs, and red meats.  I’m a hamburger girl, and I love my pasta…but, I’ve learned from experience, they’re just not worth it.  Getting healthy is.  You’re probably going to be eating A LOT of chicken and turkey, and lettuce.  Haha Just come to grips with it now. 

Also, you need to learn what portions are.  Just because you get a salad at a restaurant doesn’t mean that the whole thing is one meal…I hate to break it to you, but it’s usually two.  The nutrition facts on your food will become your friends as you learn what you can, and can’t have.

Next: exercise.  I don’t have much to say, but don’t push yourself super hard at first.  You’re getting up your strength, and just because you’ve been losing weight, that doesn’t mean that you’re automatically fit.  It’s frustrating, yes, when you feel like your body should be able to do more, but just be patient.

Want some of my “secrets” and tips?  Okay.  J

  1. Drink lots of water…and I mean LOTS!  This will help you feel full and keep you hydrated.  Yeah, it’s a little bland, but it gets the job done.
  2. If you absolutely must have a soda…and don’t attack me for this…drink a diet one.  Yes, I have read a million articles about how horrible it is, so I get it!  haha  I only suggest diet soda so you’re not drinking your calories…it’s not worth it.  I was raised with soda, so it’s really hard for me to quit it…it’s one of those natural instinct things I just don’t want to fight.  Haha  So, yeah, I drink diet.  Sorry.
  3. Once a week, eat something that you want.  Now, you need to realize that this will set you back, but it’ll help your sanity.  Also, this meal isn’t “cheating”, it’s your choice, you shouldn’t feel guilty about it.  Guilt is a negative emotion, and for most people, negative emotions lead to more eating.  You own that donut, or pasta, or cheese fries, and love and enjoy every minute of it.  J
  4. Never forget your why.  When you’re being tempted to eat something you shouldn’t, think of your why.  Is it worth it?  Usually not.  (I feel like a hypocrite saying this one…I think I fall more than I fly.)
  5. You are a whole lot stronger than you think you are.  I promise.  I promise you’ll be able to say no, and it’ll get easier.  Don’t give in, and if you do, don’t give up.
  6. Involve the people in your life.  You don’t have to give every detail, and have them hold you accountable, you are an adult, that’s your job.  BUT, if you let them know, they’re able to encourage you and help you say no.

I actually dedicated a post to some of my secrets last year, if you want to read more or get a little more in-depth: Secrets, Secrets are SO fun!

In the end, my friend, I am always here for you.  When you just need some encouragement, I am here.  If you’re at a restaurant and you don’t know what to do, I am here.  When you just want to give up, don’t!, and remember that I am here.

You aren’t alone.  I’ve done it, I’m still doing it.  I’m always willing to help you along the way. 

You got this.  I got chu.  :)

Here's and updated picture...haven't posted one in a while.  Had to keep up with the bathroom pics, it's tradition now.  :P
68 pounds down!  ...and SO excited for X-Men tomorrow.  haha
Here's hoping those mutant powers come my way soon.